For Sale

The house is on the market :( For Sale sign and all. I knew it would be there after work, but when I turned onto my street and saw it there I had to actually stop my car because I was so upset. I knew it would be there, it still felt like it was a utter surprise. You can't possibly understand how much I don't want someone to buy this house, the fact that this Christmas will be the last in this house, the fact that someone else will be sleeping in my room. But maybe it's time for someone else to makes some memories in this house. But my stupid pessimistic brain keeps bringing me back to one thing "what if the people who buy it, knock it down and build units on the block? what if all my memories are bulldozed down to a pile of rubble?" I hate "what ifs" they drive me crazy. I need to come to terms that this house is not always going to be here. On the plus side, the real estates agents (yes all 18 of them that apparently wandered through the house today... I don't know because I was at my appointment with Hazel) really like the house and they think we won't have any problems getting the amount we asked for.

BUT... BUT... BUT... now I need to clean my room and make it looked "uncluttered" by Thursday so the agent can take photos.... "uncluttered" is a word that I don't understand, let alone my room ever being in the state of. Plus... home opens... OMFG... I'm fine with people looking at photos of my room... they can go onto my LiveJournal and look at the post I did for ourbedrooms... 17 photos of my room, but having a stranger actually walk into my room and look at my stuff, that's a completely different matter. It's just depressing for everyone involved, but like Hazel said, it's just another adventure, and even planned adventures are scary. *sigh*

HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO PACK EVERYTHING IN MY ROOM AWAY???!!!! lol

What's Happening

Today was hard, but at least (well I think anyway) the parents have decided what to do. Tomorrow our house, as in the house I've lived in ALL my life is going to be put on the market. It kills me inside to think that by my next birthday, there may(and most likely) be someone else living in MY house, sleeping in my room. But I know it has to be done, it is time for us all to move on. I never expected to live in this house forever, but I did expect that my parents would, so at least I could come back and visit, but that's not going to happen now. After the house sells, the mortgage is paid off, what's left is split equally and, my parents go their separate ways. Yes, that's right readers, my parents have separated. That's what all the drama has been. Mum moved out at the beginning of November, my 2 sisters and myself are still at home with dad. It has been hard for me. I think it's hit me the hardest, seeing a counselor has really helped, but I have been finding myself so sad that I've had the urge to break things. Today I was very very close to punching a window, but luckily for me, my selfless brain made me think about how that would make my parents feel and I didn't. Hazel (my counselor) tells me I need to stop worrying about everyone else and start taking care of myself, but I've always been selfless, I never thought it was a bad thing until now... I know it's not a bad thing, but I need to be selfish before I'm selfless.

I'm seriously having second thoughts about my interior design course. I don't know if I'm in the right frame of mind to start it. I have no support at home. I think I might ring the school tomorrow and tell them not to put my application in. I know I've already been accepted. I don't know what to do. I really want to do this course, but I don't know if I am capable of doing it at the moment. I've been jumping from one to another... "yes I do want to do it" and "no I can't" but I can't decide not to do it when I'm sad. I need to calm down and relax, and then I'm super excited about it.

My poor fingernails are chewed to the bone. I bite my nails when I'm stressed and nervous and OMFG. I might have to invest in a huge box of band aids and put one on every finger.

Anyway, that's all for today, I thought it was time to let everyone know whats going on in real life.

love you all. and don't worry I'll still be here :)

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Sharlto Copley.

Epic Picspam

all photos from I HEART IT

Day 06 - Write 30 Interesting Facts About Yourself PART ONE

Most readers will know most of these already. I will try and think of some new and exciting interesting facts.

1. I'm afraid of Balloons - I got that one out first, so you can have a giggle at my expense and move on. But you'd be surprised how many people are actually afraid of balloons.
"Balloons explode, Jen. They explode suddenly, and unexpectedly. They are filled with the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable." - Roy "The IT Crowd" episode 4.5 (Bad Boys)

2. I have many (and I mean MANY) favourite Actors, but no favourite Actresses - Number one on the list is obviously Karl Urban (and pretty much everyone who meets me, will know that fact within an hour of meeting me. I'm pretty sure my 18 month old cousin knows too). Other faves include, Ewan MacGregor, Kevin Durand, Tim Roth, Sharlto Copley, Adrien Brody, Jared Leto.... the list goes one.

3. I LOVE MOVIES - love is an understatement. If the world was perfect (which it isn't) I would be in America working with Steven Speilberg, or Quentin Tarantino or Tim Burton. I don't care what I would be doing... I'd be happy spending my days getting them coffee. Maybe one day.

4. I'm a cat person - I love cats. I've never ever been without a cat in my life. I dislike dogs. I can deal with dogs, but I would never own one... it only took me 20 years to realise that I didn't really want that puppy I bugged my parents for most my life.

5. Pirates are better than Ninjas - not explanation needed. Also cowboys are awesome too. Cowboys > Ninjas, Pirates > Cowboys.

6. As of 20th December 2010, I would of seen ALL 6 of my top 6 bands. - 1. Muse - the last band to see. 2. HIM - seen twice. 3. Billy Talent 4. AFI 5. The Used 6. 30 Seconds To Mars - Jared Leto is so sexy.

7. I have hugged my favourite Actor - Yep that's right I have hugged Karl Urban and I have photographic proof.

8. I'm addicted to the internet. I have a blogger, tumblr, twitter, facebook, polyvore, livejournal, flickr, i heart it, youtube, and myspace account. Some are used daily... others *ahem* myspace *ahem* haven't been accessed in years.

9. My first blogger post was January 1st 2008. But I have been blogging for a lot longer. I used to use MSN Spaces, but that blog no longer exists. I do have all the posts saved somewhere. But they're not very exciting posts.

10. I love to study. I've completed my Advanced Diploma in Accounting, my Cert 4 in Business and my Cert 4 in Information Technology. I'm about to start my Diploma in Interior Design. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life.

11. I seem to get along best with people that others can't get along with. I know it's weird, but most of my friends are people that other people can't stand. I've never had any problems with any of them.

12. I hate bullies, bad drivers and cigarette smoke. I assume most people do too.

13. I never wagged school. Mostly because my school was too far from anything interesting. But I don't think I would of anyway. I loved school.

14. I collect paint samples. I have a whole box of them. Finally I will have a use for them.

15. I love stationery. I have boxes of pens and pencils, a whole shelf of empty notebooks, boxes of pretties (stamps, stickers, tape, glue etc) it's an addiction. I think I need to go to Stationery Rehab.

That's the end of part one. Part 2 to come tomorrow. It's quite hard to find 30 interesting facts about myself. I will think of some overnight and get back to you.

Day 05 - A Time You Thought About Ending Your Own Life.

This, fellow bloggers and readers, is what I call a "no comment" subject.

Aliens & Cowboys and Aliens.

What I Carry.

My new bags arrived this morning. I'm glad I ordered 2. The one that I originally wanted in black is quite big and is more an overnight bag, while the khaki one is the prefect size, and I actually love the colour. I still want a green one. Anyway. Here it is... If you, awesome readers, are anything like me, you love to check out what's in other peoples' bag (hence why my job at Target as a greeter/bag checker is awesome :D)

Bag = Khaki Haversack. $4.95 from Army Surplus store. Added badges for awesomeness.

I've had these badges forever. The Iron Cross and the skull sewn on because I don't want them to fall off. I found the most "military" badges I own. I did good :)

Planner = Moleskine 2010 Weekly Planner. It's full, there is only 5 weeks left of 2010 (so much for it being MY year... EPIC FAIL) I spilled water on it so some of the pages are stuck together and some ink has ran.

Phone = iPhone 3GS with epic new wallpaper from the Adventures on Simon Pegg Digital comic. The story is taken from Simons' autobiographical book Nerd Do Well. It's a fun way to split up his memoirs.

Awesomeness = Murdock action figure. I make sure he's sitting right at the top of my bag, so when people ask to check my bag the first thing they see if him. LOL. I'm not ashamed. No one is yet to recognise him :(

That's it. There are more photos and more information on Flickr. I want who ever is reading this to show me what's in your bag. You don't have to go into this much detail.