Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss

=( Forever ALONE.

How can I discuss something that hasn't happened yet, it's quite depressing. When Hazel asked me if I'd ever been in a serious relationship I cried (I admit I was already having a bad day)

One Day. Ask me this question again in 10 years, if it hasn't happened by then... there is something seriously wrong with me.

Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like

All I can truly hope for is happiness. I'm really living my life day to day at the moment, I don't know what my immediate future will hold, and it's a little scary.

There is a house that I want to buy. Ever since I saw it I wanted it, but it's never been for sale, one day I will buy it, when I win lotto I will go to the owners and say "here's $500,000 now sell me your house" I don't even know how many rooms it has, or how big it is, I just know I want it.

Sorry about this post being a little vague. I'm just not in the mood for the future at the moment.

Tim Roth Fangirling.... again... again!

click to make big... it's soooo worth it.

photo by Francis Ford Coppola, 2007.
click to enlarge.

The reason for this? well I just bought Season 2 of Lie To Me (can't wait to get home from work tonight) also I did a list of 50 Celebrities I'd date (well there's about 60 now) but 98% of them are over 30, of that 98%, 70% are over 40. The oldest is 66 and that's George Lucas (George is even older than Liam Neeson and Alan Rickman) LOL, I am most certainly a "baby panther"

Day 08 - A Moment You Felt The Most Satisfied with You Life.

Enough Said.

I don't think anyone will ever understand how epically satisfied I felt during and after this photo was taken. That's KARL FUCKING URBAN, and any regular reader would know (and be completely over how much I go on about him) that he is my favouritest actor of all time, no contest. And coming from someone that has trouble making decisions thats a pretty big thing.

Day 07 - Your Zodiac Sign and If It Fits Your Personality

I'm Scorpio, born in the Year of The Tiger. I don't really follow any horoscopes, but it does interest me. I know that Scorpios can be rather intense, possessive and emotional. (but that was just me reading what it says on WikiZodiac (and we all know how "reliable" anything "wiki" is)) But what I read, it pretty much fits my personality, but anyone can read anything into anything they want.

I do know that my first tattoo will be of the constellation Scorpius, obviously because I'm a Scorpio, but also because I love astronomy and Scorpius is pretty much my favourite constellation.

not mine - but the general idea

Speaking of Space, does anyone know what NASA are going to announce at a press conference on Dec 2? I found this article, and there is a line that intrigues me greatly.

"WASHINGTON -- NASA will hold a news conference at 2 p.m. EST on Thursday, Dec. 2, to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life. Astrobiology is the study of the origin, evolution, distribution and future of life in the universe. "

OMFG... they have found something biological in space! I'm excited, but also a little scared. Even if it's just bacteria on Mars, that's still freaking exciting. *nerdgasm*

For Sale

The house is on the market :( For Sale sign and all. I knew it would be there after work, but when I turned onto my street and saw it there I had to actually stop my car because I was so upset. I knew it would be there, it still felt like it was a utter surprise. You can't possibly understand how much I don't want someone to buy this house, the fact that this Christmas will be the last in this house, the fact that someone else will be sleeping in my room. But maybe it's time for someone else to makes some memories in this house. But my stupid pessimistic brain keeps bringing me back to one thing "what if the people who buy it, knock it down and build units on the block? what if all my memories are bulldozed down to a pile of rubble?" I hate "what ifs" they drive me crazy. I need to come to terms that this house is not always going to be here. On the plus side, the real estates agents (yes all 18 of them that apparently wandered through the house today... I don't know because I was at my appointment with Hazel) really like the house and they think we won't have any problems getting the amount we asked for.

BUT... BUT... BUT... now I need to clean my room and make it looked "uncluttered" by Thursday so the agent can take photos.... "uncluttered" is a word that I don't understand, let alone my room ever being in the state of. Plus... home opens... OMFG... I'm fine with people looking at photos of my room... they can go onto my LiveJournal and look at the post I did for ourbedrooms... 17 photos of my room, but having a stranger actually walk into my room and look at my stuff, that's a completely different matter. It's just depressing for everyone involved, but like Hazel said, it's just another adventure, and even planned adventures are scary. *sigh*

HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO PACK EVERYTHING IN MY ROOM AWAY???!!!! lol

What's Happening

Today was hard, but at least (well I think anyway) the parents have decided what to do. Tomorrow our house, as in the house I've lived in ALL my life is going to be put on the market. It kills me inside to think that by my next birthday, there may(and most likely) be someone else living in MY house, sleeping in my room. But I know it has to be done, it is time for us all to move on. I never expected to live in this house forever, but I did expect that my parents would, so at least I could come back and visit, but that's not going to happen now. After the house sells, the mortgage is paid off, what's left is split equally and, my parents go their separate ways. Yes, that's right readers, my parents have separated. That's what all the drama has been. Mum moved out at the beginning of November, my 2 sisters and myself are still at home with dad. It has been hard for me. I think it's hit me the hardest, seeing a counselor has really helped, but I have been finding myself so sad that I've had the urge to break things. Today I was very very close to punching a window, but luckily for me, my selfless brain made me think about how that would make my parents feel and I didn't. Hazel (my counselor) tells me I need to stop worrying about everyone else and start taking care of myself, but I've always been selfless, I never thought it was a bad thing until now... I know it's not a bad thing, but I need to be selfish before I'm selfless.

I'm seriously having second thoughts about my interior design course. I don't know if I'm in the right frame of mind to start it. I have no support at home. I think I might ring the school tomorrow and tell them not to put my application in. I know I've already been accepted. I don't know what to do. I really want to do this course, but I don't know if I am capable of doing it at the moment. I've been jumping from one to another... "yes I do want to do it" and "no I can't" but I can't decide not to do it when I'm sad. I need to calm down and relax, and then I'm super excited about it.

My poor fingernails are chewed to the bone. I bite my nails when I'm stressed and nervous and OMFG. I might have to invest in a huge box of band aids and put one on every finger.

Anyway, that's all for today, I thought it was time to let everyone know whats going on in real life.

love you all. and don't worry I'll still be here :)